Why You Don’t Have to Love Every Moment of Motherhood
Let’s be honest: you love your child more than anything—but that doesn’t mean you love every second of being a mom. And that doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.
Still, if you're someone with perfectionist tendencies, that truth can be hard to sit with. You might think you should enjoy every moment, be grateful at all times, and never get frustrated or burnt out. But here’s the thing—motherhood is hard, even when it’s beautiful. And it’s okay to not feel okay all the time.
The Myth of Constant Gratitude
There’s a quiet but persistent pressure in our culture to always be thankful for motherhood, even when you’re running on no sleep, your toddler is melting down, and you haven’t had a second to yourself in days.
Perfectionist moms often internalize that pressure. You might think:
“I wanted this—I should be happy.”
“Other people have it harder—I shouldn’t complain.”
“If I’m struggling, I must be doing something wrong.”
This mindset leads to guilt, shame, and burnout—not better parenting.
You Can Love Your Kids and Still Struggle
Two things can be true at once: you can feel love and gratitude and feel overwhelmed, bored, resentful, or frustrated. These aren’t signs you’re failing. They’re signs you’re human and adjusting to a massive life transition.
Try replacing judgmental thoughts with more compassionate ones:
“It’s okay that I’m struggling right now. This is hard.”
“Needing a break doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom—it means I’m a person.”
“I can be grateful and tired at the same time.”
This kind of thinking makes space for your full emotional experience—not just the socially acceptable parts.
The Problem with “Enjoy Every Moment”
You’ve probably heard it: “Enjoy every moment—they grow up so fast!”
It’s meant kindly, but it can feel like a gut punch when you're deep in the hard parts. Because the truth is, not every moment is enjoyable. Diaper blowouts, sleepless nights, the monotony of making snack plates—you’re not broken if those parts don’t spark joy.
Trying to enjoy every moment becomes another impossible standard. And when you inevitably fall short, the guilt piles on.
Instead of chasing constant joy, aim for presence. Be in the moment, even if the moment isn’t magical. That’s where connection grows—not from fake smiles, but from showing up as your real self.
Let Go of the Highlight Reel
Social media doesn’t help. Everyone’s posting curated snapshots of family hikes, baking days, and quiet cuddles. Rarely do you see the full meltdown before that photo, the power struggles, or the mom crying in her car after drop-off.
Perfectionist moms often compare their hardest moments to someone else’s best. But motherhood isn’t an Instagram grid. It’s messy, loud, chaotic, and full of moments that are both frustrating and heart-melting. You don’t have to perform it—you just have to live it.
Give Yourself Permission
So what if you gave yourself permission not to love every second?
To say “this part is really hard” without qualifying it
To vent without guilt
To ask for help without shame
To stop trying to do it all “perfectly”
You’re not falling short by being real. You’re modeling honesty, boundaries, and emotional intelligence—for your kids and yourself.
What You Can Focus On Instead
Instead of loving every second, maybe aim for:
Showing up. Even when it’s hard.
Repairing. When you mess up—and you will.
Connecting. When the opportunity’s there.
Resting. When you can.
It’s enough. Really.
You Might Also Like: Learning to Live in the Grey
If you're often stuck in black-and-white thinking—I'm either doing great or I'm failing—you might find this post helpful too:
Living in the Grey: How Mental Flexibility Helps in Motherhood
It’s about letting go of the need to do everything right and learning to trust yourself in the in-between moments.
Looking for Support?
If you're a new mom navigating perfectionism, burnout, or the mental load of parenting, therapy can help you find steadier ground. I work with women who want to feel more connected, less overwhelmed, and more like themselves again.
Learn more about therapy for moms.