Managing Anxiety and Perfectionism During the Holidays
The holiday season is often described as joyful and meaningful, but for many people it can be one of the most stressful times of the year. If you struggle with anxiety and perfectionism, the pressure of the holidays can feel overwhelming. Instead of slowing down, you may find yourself overthinking, exhausted, and constantly worried about getting things right.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Anxiety and perfectionism tend to intensify during the holidays, especially when expectations are high and routines are disrupted. The good news is that there are ways to approach this season that feel more grounded and supportive.
Why the Holidays Trigger Anxiety and Perfectionism
The holidays bring together several stressors at once. There are social gatherings, financial pressures, family dynamics, and endless to-do lists. On top of that, there is a strong message that the holidays are supposed to look and feel a certain way.
For people with anxiety, this can lead to constant worry, restlessness, and difficulty relaxing. For perfectionists, the holidays can feel like a performance. There is pressure to give the right gifts, say the right things, and create the right memories.
When anxiety and perfectionism team up, it becomes hard to enjoy the moment. Instead, your mind stays focused on what could go wrong or what still needs to be done.
How Perfectionism Fuels Holiday Anxiety
Perfectionism often shows up as an inner voice that says you are not doing enough. During the holiday season, that voice can get especially loud.
You might notice thoughts like:
I should be able to handle this better
I cannot let anyone down
If I do not do this right, something bad will happen
Everyone else seems to manage the holidays just fine
These thoughts create pressure that keeps your nervous system on high alert. Even when you are resting, your mind may be racing. Over time, this can lead to burnout, irritability, and resentment.
Understanding that perfectionism is not a personal flaw, but a learned response to anxiety, can help you start to relate to it differently.
Let Go of Unrealistic Holiday Expectations
One of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety during the holidays is to take an honest look at your expectations. Many people are carrying traditions and obligations that no longer fit their current life or energy level.
Ask yourself:
Who am I doing this for
What would actually matter if I did less
What would I choose if guilt was not involved
Letting go of certain expectations does not mean you do not care. It means you are prioritizing your mental health. The holidays do not have to be perfect to be meaningful.
Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
Boundaries are especially important during the holiday season, but they can feel hard for people who struggle with anxiety or people pleasing.
Setting boundaries might include:
Saying no to events you do not have the capacity for
Limiting time with family members who increase your stress
Setting a budget for gifts and travel
Scheduling intentional downtime
Anxiety often tells you that boundaries will cause conflict. In reality, clear boundaries help prevent resentment and emotional overload. They allow you to show up more present and regulated in the moments that matter.
Embrace the Idea of “Good Enough”
Perfectionism thrives on all-or-nothing thinking. Either it is perfect, or it is a failure. Learning to aim for “good enough” can be one of the most powerful ways to manage holiday stress.
Good enough might look like:
Buying gifts online instead of shopping in person
Ordering food instead of cooking every dish yourself
Shortening visits or skipping traditions that feel draining
Accepting that not every moment will feel joyful
Doing less does not mean you are letting people down. It means you are acknowledging your limits and honoring them.
Coping with Anxiety in the Moment
Even with planning and boundaries, anxiety can still show up during the holidays. Having simple tools to use in the moment can make a big difference.
Some helpful strategies include:
Taking slow, steady breaths with a longer exhale
Stepping outside or into a quiet room for a few minutes
Noticing physical sensations to ground yourself in the present
Reminding yourself that you are safe and do not need to solve everything right now
The goal is not to eliminate anxiety entirely, but to prevent it from taking over your thoughts and behavior.
Redefine What a Successful Holiday Looks Like
Many people measure holiday success by how happy everyone seems or how smoothly everything goes. This sets an unrealistic standard and leaves little room for real human experiences.
A more balanced definition of a successful holiday might include:
You listened to your body more often
You noticed when anxiety or perfectionism took over
You practiced self-compassion instead of self-criticism
You allowed yourself to rest without guilt
When you redefine success, you give yourself permission to be human.
Limit Comparison and Social Media Pressure
Social media can intensify holiday anxiety and perfectionism. Seeing carefully curated images of decorated homes, smiling families, and elaborate traditions can feed the belief that you are doing something wrong.
If you notice that scrolling increases stress or self-doubt, consider taking a break or limiting your time online during the holidays. Protecting your mental space is a form of self-care, not avoidance.
When Therapy Can Help with Holiday Anxiety and Perfectionism
If anxiety and perfectionism feel overwhelming during the holidays, or if this is a pattern you notice every year, therapy can be a supportive place to explore what is underneath the stress.
Therapy can help you:
Understand the roots of anxiety and perfectionism
Learn tools to manage anxious thoughts more effectively
Practice setting boundaries without guilt
Build a more compassionate relationship with yourself
Support can make a meaningful difference, not just during the holidays, but throughout the year.
Final Thoughts on Managing Anxiety and Perfectionism During the Holidays
Managing anxiety and perfectionism during the holidays is not about doing everything right. It is about noticing patterns, adjusting expectations, and choosing responses that support your well-being.
You are allowed to opt out of what drains you. You are allowed to do things differently. And you are allowed to have a holiday season that feels manageable, even if it does not look perfect.
Call to Action
If anxiety and perfectionism feel especially heavy during the holiday season, therapy can help. You do not need to wait until you are burned out to reach out for support.
I work with individuals who struggle with anxiety, overthinking, and the pressure to be perfect. In therapy, we focus on practical tools, self-compassion, and creating balance so stressful seasons feel easier to navigate.
If you’re curious about starting therapy or want to see if we’re a good fit, you’re welcome to reach out to schedule a free consultation.